To: Hardone
From: Funkrider
Subject: Trips to Vorarlberg
Date: 19.10.2009
Introduction:
As your contact person, I looked for some suitable facilities, sports and places for young adults. I separate the points in the paragraphs below.
Facilities and amenities:
I visited many museums in Vorarlberg and can say that we have a big choice between different interesting museums.
I think a special attraction for the youth from America, are the locals and discothèques, because in Vorarlberg young person only need to 16, than they are allowed to drink alcohol!
In there home they have to 21, so I think that would be a big plus for our area.
Another attraction is our food here, it is perfect, we have many biology products and very good beers, which they are allowed to drink!
Sport and other leisure activities:
In Vorarlberg the guys can do a lot of different sports. On the one hand we have many mountains here, so you can go hiking very well, this area is known for hiking. On the other Hand you guys are able to do almost every sport in the valley.
Special places:
In Vorarlberg are many special places.
We have the capital Bregenz, where we have a big lake and a beautiful old town.
From Vorarlberg you can make a excursion to Switzerland, because it is next to Vorarlberg.
Recommending:
All in all, I can suggest you to offer trips to Vorarlberg, because this area is so multifunctional and I mean there is for everybody the right sport museum or even meal.
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1 Kommentar:
It says in the description of the task "use formal language". Therefore your way of starting it is not suitable at all.
I don't think you create good impression of yourself when you write in this style. People will assume that you cannot think of anything else but alcohol.
Subject: Suggestions for ...
Remember that the date is normally written a bit differently in English.
exp: "look for" = suchen; You've done some research on this topic.
exp: sports activities
exp: places of interest for
exp: "I separate the points in the paragraphs below." C??
exp: "a big choice" - excellent, good, wide, limited, ...
exp: you can choose from a variety of ...
exp: "locals" = ein Ansässiger / Einwohner
incorrect comma
g, exp, g, str, str, sp/exp: "because in Vorarlberg young person only need to 16, than they are allowed to drink alcohol"
str, exp, exp: "In there home they have to 21"
[You assume that people only go to other places in the world because they want to get drunk - but that's not really the case. Also, your suggestions don't quite go with the required style - formal! - of this report.]
g: "that would be a big plus" (is a big plus)
str: "Another attraction is our food here, it is perfect, we have many biology products and very good beers, which they are allowed to drink!" -> You don't connect sentences properly.
exp: "biology product"
style: "the guys" -> not formal!
exp: "you can go hiking very well"
str:"so you can go hiking very well, this area is known for hiking"
style: "you guys"
exp: you can do almost any sport
special places -> places of interest
In Vorarlberg there are ...
g: an excursion ...
exp: "because it is next to Vorarlberg." -> that's a weak reason for doing something
exp: "I can suggest you to offer trips "
exp: "this area is so multifunctional"
exp, str: "there is for everybody the right sport museum or even meal."
Du solltest dir vorher überlegen, worüber du genau schreibst. Inhaltlich bietest du hier sehr wenig Passendes oder was du schreibst, ist sehr ungenau. Sprachlich ist der Text sehr fehlerhaft. Deine Sätze sind auch sehr einfach - teilweise machst du einfach keinen Punkt und schreibst weiter, aber du verknüpfst die Sätze nicht ordentlich. Du vermischt auch Stile. Der Text sollte eigentlich zumindest stilistisch neutral sein.
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